The Compute Cup · Unofficial arcade kart racer
Dario Kart 8 Deluxe
Scale responsibly. Drift recklessly. Three laps of the scaling law, a fistful of GPUs, and the same safety evals every single time. Flip into 4D and the track starts folding.
More GPUs. More speed. Same safety evals.
More GPUs. More dimensions. Same safety evals.
Play it
The Compute Cup
Pick a track, grab the power-ups, dodge the safety evals, and finish three laps before your compute budget runs dry. Press F to flip into 4D and watch the track start folding. Keyboard or touch - your call.
The Compute Cup
Scaling Law Loop
Every lap doubles
Arrows / WASD to drive · Space to scale compute · F for 4D · T for timeline
Dario
Featured racer
∞
Compute
99.9%
Safety
SOTA
Speed
Off the chart
Humor
The scaling-law poster child. Drives like the future is a straight line, and the future is mostly GPUs.
Power-ups
Token Turbo
Short speed burst
Constitutional Shield
Pass evals safely
RLHF Rocket
Big boost + full compute
Tesseract Turbo
4D: fast time + x3 score
RLHF Wormhole
4D: slow time + warp ahead
The 4th dimension
Constitutional AI: now with an extra axis
4D mode is real gameplay, not a label. Tesseract gates warp you, time dilation bends the clock, and the timeline fork changes the track, the evals, and who else is racing. Everything works on every track, and plain 3D racing is untouched.
Tesseract gates
Three hypercubes sit on every track. Drive through one for a warp, a burst of fast time, and a triple score for a few corners.
Time dilation
Grab a Tesseract Turbo to hit fast time, or an RLHF Wormhole to slip into slow time and warp ahead. The clock bends with you.
Parallel timeline
Fork the timeline and the safety evals move to a whole new arrangement, and your ghost rival from another timeline joins the grid.
Time dilation engaged. Causal attention drift detected. Timeline fork acknowledged.
Items
Power-ups of the future
Everything you grab on the track is named after the thing that actually makes modern AI go. Collect them, use them, drift recklessly. The 4D ones only show up when the dimension does.
Token Turbo
A short burst of raw speed. Feels like a flash of inspiration, because it is one.
Constitutional Shield
Temporary invincibility. Drive straight through the evals and they wave you past.
RLHF Rocket
A big boost that also tops up your compute. Aligned, and very, very fast.
Safety Evals
Red blobs that will absolutely slow you down. Collect a shield first, or brake and go around.
Tesseract Turbo
4D only. A warp through the hypercube that hits fast time and triples your score for a sec.
RLHF Wormhole
4D only. Slips you into slow time and warps you ahead of the field. Aligned, and folded.
The grid
Racers of the Compute Cup
A field of fictional lab racers, all chasing the same scaling law. Dario is your ride - the rest are the competition.
Dario
Featured racer
∞
Compute
99.9%
Safety
SOTA
Speed
The scaling-law poster child. Drives like the future is a straight line, and the future is mostly GPUs.
Dr. Gradient
Backprop specialist
Optimal
Corners
Every lap
Turns
Minimal
Loss
Backpropagates through every corner and never repeats a mistake. Annoying, honestly.
Loss Function Larry
The minimizer
Fast
Straights
Careful
Bends
0
Errors
Minimizes on the straights and converges at the finish line. Reliable to a fault.
Vector Prime
Attention-based
Total
Focus
3
Laps
0
Distraction
Attention is all you need, and Vector has all of it. Watches the whole track at once.
Backprop Betty
Never stops updating
Constant
Updates
All
Laps
High
Momentum
Updates her line every single frame. By lap three she has memorized the whole circuit.
The Optimizer
Adam, but for karting
Adaptive
Momentum
Many
Steps
Few
Rests
An adaptive optimizer in a kart. Finds the fastest route through trial, error, and a lot of compute.
The circuit
Four tracks, one scaling law
Each circuit tests a different virtue. Pick your poison, then pick your pace.
Scaling Law Loop
3 lapsEvery lap doubles
A wide, forgiving circuit with an S-chicane on the back straight. Best for your first run.
Safety Eval Speedway
3 lapsFast, but audited
A smooth oval with high top speed and evals clustered on the straights. Keep your shield handy.
GPU Cluster Canyon
3 lapsNarrow. Hot. Loud.
A tight, twisty canyon with little room for error. Precision over power.
Helpful/Harmless/Honest Hairpin
3 lapsThree virtues, one corner
A sharp apex at the top demands a clean, honest turn. Brake early, drift late, and don't argue with the corner.
Fine print
Dario Kart 8 Deluxe is an unofficial, fan-made parody. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to Anthropic, Nintendo, or any AI lab or company. "Dario Kart" is an affectionate play on a certain mushroom-themed kart racer - no copyrighted assets, logos, music, or names from that game appear here. All racers are fictional characters. It is all in good fun, and it is all very fast.
Built with original code and original shapes. No GPUs were harmed in the making of this website, though a few were imagined.
Scale responsibly. Drift recklessly. © The Compute Cup